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A Normal Day that Changed Everything

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I woke up today and I could physically feel this day again. I could feel the weight of what had happened.  Finding words to write about this day is hard.  Only less hard than having lived it because of some great therapy.  2 years ago today, my life changed, again.  Back in High school I found a sticker that I slapped on my car thinking it was intellectual and mature and I could 'sooo relate to this' at the tender age of seventeen. It said "The only constant is change."  I'm not sure my seventeen year-old self could comprehend how much the forty year-old me has actually related to a two-dollar sticker impulse buy. I won't lie and say I've loved how often it feels like my life takes a sharp right turn into change, but it does seem that it has been a repetitive theme, and that in some ways I've been built for it.  So we've gone through the build-up, I've been following the bread crumbs, I've been just telling myself "If you hear hoof bea...
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Buildup and Background

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A small bit of background before I get into the meat and potatoes as they are- I'm a nearly 2 decade military wife, with three kids- Bug, Tiny, & Bubba. I had two of my three kids (Tiny and Bubba) while my husband was on two of the three deployments we've experienced. My last birth was medically complicated and required a good deal of intervention to keep me alive after Bubba was born. My middle child, Tiny, we found out at 18 months was deaf in both ears, she received cochlear implants at two and a half, and was diagnosed with ASD at five.  She is only partially verbal and communicates the most enthusiastically in ASL and leaves us in pretty constant mystery. All that to say- I'm not completely unacquainted with trials, with doing hard things, with taking care of my kids while my husband is away, to the ever new and crazy things that can be thrown in our journey through life. Two years ago, my husband, Josh, was two months into an eight month training sixteen hundred m...
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An introduction to: The Things Unuttered

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2023 was   hard . The years before that weren't a piece of cake either, but so many things converged that year that it finally broke me in a lot of ways. The proverbial straw to the camels back. Anyone who knows me, knows I talk...  a lot , but what a great many people don't know about me is that I'm actually extremely private. I can talk for hours about all sorts of things, and hardly share something private or personal if I don't want to or don't feel comfortable.  Talking too much is a habit I wish I could break, but it is also a distraction and entertainment thing- a thing I do as I am constantly trying to fit in, or relate, or make connections. Maybe if I say the right thing or can relate to the right story, you'll like me.  Talking about everything while saying nothing though... that's a self-preservation thing. I can tell a self-deprecating story and laugh along, but to tell something that feels like a piece of myself? My soul? That's rare.  I hav...
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